Police in Arlington, Virginia, responded to a domestic violence call late Wednesday night at the home of Ruben Maye Nsue Mangue -that's right, the Ruben Maye Nsue Mangue. Upon arriving at the residence police discovered Mangue's daughter had suffered a "significant" laceration to the head after being severely beaten with a wooden chair leg. Unfortunately, Mangue will not face any charges due to the protections he receives as a foreign diplomat. Mangue hails from the state of Equatorial Guinea, a little shit-kicker principality that apparently exports abusive assholes. Under the threat of deportation, Mangue will be required to attend anger management classes specifically tailored for unruly envoys. The rancorous group features attendees such as Devyani Khobragade, who earlier this year was suspected of abusing her domestic servants, also Sergeant Major Jairo Soto-Mendoza who in 2003 was accused of brutally murdering a homeless man, and then there is of course Arjen Rudd, the bad guy from Lethal Weapon II, who attempted to smuggle $10 Million in Krugerrands out of the country and terrorized the Los Angeles police force for the latter part of the movie.
Egyptian feminist and social revolutionary Aliaa Magda Elmahdy has taken to Facebook once again to air her latest grievance toward hard-line Islam, which she considers to be a belief system structured around "violence, racism, sexism, sexual harassment and hypocrisy." The brazen display of protest came in the form of Elmahdy and friend menstruating, as well as defecating on what is reportedly a flag showing the sigil of ISIS and bearing the words, "there is no god but Allah." Ripples of disapproval resounded throughout the Arab world in the aftermath of what is considered to be a forbidden statement, but there was also plenty of support, particularly in the West. Well known television personality Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was quick to voice his backing of the daring duo, stating, "This is right up my alley...my dark, dingy, smelly alley."
A progressive initiative put forth by Mayor Charlie Hales of Portland Oregon is offering a tremendous lift to the spirits of many within the rainy city's desperate homeless population. A "Tiny Homes Communities" project, organized by the Mayor's Director of Strategic Initiatives, Josh Alpert, promises the speedy construction of dozens of 192-square-foot domiciles, each costing somewhere between $250 to $350 in rent per month. Nonprofit organization Micro Community Concepts teamed up with board game designer Parker Brothers to usher in a new era of micro-housing affordability.
Shirley Sotloff, the mother of journalist Steven Sotloff, who in 2013 was captured by Islamic State militants, made an impassioned plea on Wednesday, asking that her son's ruthless captors spare his life and release him unharmed. The plea came after Sotloff appeared in a gut wrenching video displaying the vile beheading of fellow journalist James Foley. Since that time many have weighed the consequences of U.S. occupation in Iraq, which ISIS claims is the direct cause of their relentless brutality. In her statement, Ms. Sotloff attempted to separate her son's disposition from the actions taken by the U.S. Government and it's military, claiming he is merely an innocent man swept up in an unfair war. In direct response to this, mothers of hundreds of Guantanamo detainees came together to perform in a sarcastic symphony of tiny violins.
A new report by the Natural Resources Defense Council claims that $3.8 billion in electricity costs are unnecessarily consumed by zero capacity "Zombie" servers, wasting about 39 billion kilowatt-hours every year. Many blame poor management of data centers and lack of efficiency in upkeep as the main antagonists. Luckily, fearless computer tech Rick Grimes has been called in to take care of the problem.
This week in foreign affairs, German Chancellor Angela Merkel placed an impromptu phone call to Russian President Vladimir Putin to address the recent incursion of Russian troops into the tumultuous Ukrainian territories. The EU has been seen as a fiendish instigator, occasionally scoffing at the protests of their Russian neighbors who claim the West has orchestrated much of the recent unrest. Merkel was said to have called in two new cabinet members to act in an advisory capacity over the pivotal phone call. Das Jerky Boys.
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