In financial news, lauded rapper and occasional film star 50 Cent, a/k/a Curtis James Jackson, has reportedly filed for bankruptcy. According to sources close to the performer, the move came just days after he was ordered to pay up to $5M to settle claims that he maliciously released a steamy sex-tape against the expressed wishes of the female participant. Mr. Jackson insisted the Chapter 11 filing was merely a temporary setback, but that as a cautionary measure he would be downgrading his official rap title to "10 Cent."
In true bitch form, Lebanese porn starlet Mia Kahlifa has posted a series of private communications she received from Buffalo Bills safety, Duke Williams. Williams was apparently trying to tap that ass when Mia decided to expose the would-be player's bunk-ass game to the greater twitter community. Entertainment news websites quickly seized upon the incident, with one headline reading "Mia Khalifa Exposes NFL Player Duke Williams for Sliding Into Her DMs." In the wake of an ensuing media blitz, beef-head sportscaster Stephen A. Smith cut right to the chase, asking:
"What are her DMs and where do I slide into them?"
"Do I need to wash my hands for this?"
It appears that the United States military is one high-heeled step closer to employ the transgender among their honored ranks. Defense Secretary Ashton B. Carter announced today that the Pentagon would bring a formal end to an "outdated" regulation. The dramatic change in "uniform" is expected to have far reaching effects, not only for the greater military community, but throughout the TS culture as well.
"To Wong Foo...Thank you for serving your country."
A contractor working at a Frankfurt area VW plant was tragically killed last month when the stationary assembly robot he was installing unexpectedly grabbed him and crushed his body against a solid steel plate. Immediately following the accident, mother and involuntary mental health patient Sarah Connor commented, "I fuckin' told you guys."
A prominent internet food blogger has posted a mouthwatering photo of what appears to be a deep fried Big Mac hamburger. The accompanying caption explains that the burger had been dipped in egg yokes, sprinkled with breadcrumbs, and then lowered into a deep-fryer for approximately 60 seconds. The result is a delectable 1500 calorie treat, an image of which quickly swept the internet. Shortly thereafter, the corpses of Chris Farley, John Belushi and John Candy all simultaneously rose from the dead.
