World renowned actor Jeff Goldblum is garnering laughs this week after posing in what many consider to be an exceptionally funny wedding photobomb in which Goldblum and friends are seen cleverly staging a spoof-à-la-Jurassic Park. The photo depicts a modest, well dressed crowed, running hastily from one of the film's towering monstrosities which has been artfully photoshopped into the lakeside woodland background.
Argentina is seeking relief from the International Court of Justice at The Hague over what they claim are serious violations being perpetrated by the United States, all stemming from alleged unfair lending practices. The current dispute -which stands separately from the ongoing dispute over NSA spying on Argentine energy companies and governmental institutions- involves hedge funds NML Capital and Aurelius Capital Management, who earlier this year brought action in US court to block a deposit from being paid on Argentina's accumulating interest, which the country claims has unduly pushed them into default. Prompting private investigator Leo Getz to bitterly comment, "they fuck you at the NML Capital and Aurelius Capital hedge fund, they fuck you at the NML Capital and Aurelius Capital hedge fund."
A young woman who courageously escaped the clutches of sexual slavery and has gone on to help many others still trapped in that nightmare world of bondage and abuse, is now telling her harrowing story of survival. 21-year-old Marcela Loaiza was, like so many other women, lured from her home country of Colombia with promises of gainful employment abroad but instead found herself peddled by Japanese gangsters on the streets of downtown Tokyo. Marcela claims she didn't even realize she had been trafficked until one night she noticed a 300 lb. Tom Sizemore vigorously humping her leg.
Pakistani activist Malala Yousafazi, who in October of 2012 was the target of a brazen assassination attempt carried out by local Muslim extremists, is being stalked online by a sad and desperate Justin Bieber. Bieber, whose popularity has been tested by a recent bout of douchey antics and bad press, evoked Yousafazi during an interview in which he states, "I hope she'll be a belieber," to which Yousafazi replied, "I'd rather be shot in the head by the Taliban."
Lastly, within a troubled little district in the town of Coweta, Georgia, school administrators have completely run amok. Brooks Elementary School is now officially prohibiting students from bringing festive baked goods, such as cupcakes, cookies, as well as anything containing peanuts, blueberries, strawberries, or gluten, to any school functions including bake sales and sporting events. This comes amid several other recent banning sprees targeting everything from fast food to footballs. Administrative Nazis say they won't rest until they've instituted the most extreme measures possible in order to control the unruly student body. Effectively banning all absorption of oxygen into the blood stream through "breathing," all carbon based organisms, existential realism -promoting the new crackdown with the slogan, "I think, therefore I'm banned."
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