Today in Headlines - Monday, August 4, 2014

For generations, psychologists, philosophers, and frankly most of the rest of us have held to the standard that "practice" indeed "makes perfect." but according to a new study appearing in Psychological Science Journal that may not be the case.  A small collaborative of experts have demonstrated that the benefits of "mechanical repetition" may not be as effective in acquiring a high level of expertise as previously thought.  The famous "10,000-hour-rule," promoted by best selling author Malcolm Gladwell, is now finding itself steeped in heavy skepticism, with one researcher stating, "just look at Congress, they've logged well over 10,000 hours over the past few years and still have no idea what their doing."

Oddly enough, actor Bill Murray entered the argument, citing, "In my case, it helped me finally nail Andie MacDowell."

Dozens of Bostonians, mostly teenagers, were treated by paramedics following what's being described by local officials as a "mass casualty" incident occurring late last Monday night during a particularly heinous Keith Urban concert.  It was originally reported that many who were hospitalized came in for over-consumption of alcohol but this was later found not to be the case.  Doctors are now stating that many concertgoers were stricken by a sudden bout of staph related illnesses.  When asked how so many people could be afflicted, one physician theorized, "maybe it was all the crappy music."

According to a recent article published by internet news provider Salon, the internal power structure of the Republican Party has been overrun by "cranks and shills."  Effectively turning the party into a platform for hucksters looking to make a buck off of the nation's frustrated right-leaning votership.  Others blamed for the state of the party include: grifters, flim-flam men, and barefaced, double shuffle, two-bit thimble riggers.

Apparently, a small diner in North Carolina is causing quite a stir over it's discount policy for those spotted openly praying at their establishment. Co-owner of Mary's Gourmet Diner, Shama Blalock, says that the 15% off discount is given to customers at the discretion of the wait staff and is not exclusive to any particular religious denomination.  The news has prompted local members of the Satanic Temple to hoist their own special rate initiative, calling for local pharmacies to give out free Oxycodone to anyone showing up in goat-leggings.   

An on-air scuffle has ensued between a persistent caller and ever popular XM radio host Howard Stern.  The verbal confrontation erupted when the caller fervently denounced the State of Israel for it's waging of war against the inhabitants of the Palestinian territories.  Stern, who has been consistently supportive of Israel throughout the conflict, insisted the Jewish State was at no fault and began angrily cursing the caller as they voiced their wholehearted opposition.  Some may wonder why the often crude and careless shock-jock has been so vocal in defending Israel from any such criticism, but frankly it's as clear as the nose on his face.

A small commercial airliner leaving LaGuardia airport was forced to return to the runway after it was reported that smoke was coming from the cockpit.  Upon landing, the cabin was evacuated and investigators promptly determined the cause.  Apparently it was the, quote, "sticky icky."