This week in financial news, well-known Wisconsin based textile manufacturer Oshkosh has acquired a lucrative defense contract totaling just over 6.8 billion dollars. The company is now set to design and build next generation military transport vehicles that will eventually replace the iconic Humvee. Early reports indicate the vehicle will be mostly made of rubber, leather, and canvas. Some models will come equipped with Velcro straps and useful side pockets for hiding spare-change.
Regional media outlets are reporting that Ukrainian lawmakers have drafted a comprehensive debt restructuring deal aimed at easing economic conditions and help the embattled nation maintain its independence. Russian counterparts reportedly "scoffed" at the draft proposal, even conveying their displeasure with a crass Joseph Ducreux take-down:
With the upcoming 2016 election season just around the corner, the reality of a Biden/Clinton showdown looms ever closer, bringing with it what may an "impossible choice" scenario for out-going democratic president, Barack Hussein Obama. For guidance on what could be the most contentious decision of his political career, Obama has sought the counsel of "impossible choice" expert, Spider-Man, who had this to say:
"Personally, I would choose the train car full of people."
Recent polls show candidate Train Car Full of People as testing only moderately well, essentially failing to draw out much needed support from key districts in Iowa and New Hampshire. Ultimately proving two things, (a) train cars full of people should stay out of presidential politics, and (b) spiders do not possess a heightened sense of political trends.
Indianapolis police say that a rare K-9 unit named Bear is receiving much of the praise for last month's epic shakedown of former Subway spokesman Jared Fogel. Once let loose inside the residence, the highly trained pooch quickly located a small flash-drive stashed behind a seemingly innocent looking kitchen area junk-drawer. The flash-drive reportedly contained vital evidence of Fogel's horrid wrongdoings, which may have gone unnoticed by detectives had Bear not participated in the investigation.
Apparently, law enforcement officials across the country are stepping up their use of K-9's for sniffing out electronic devices such as laptops, mobile cellphones, and portable hard-drives. Bear is rumored to be the finest "porn-sniffing" dog in the business, one of only five in the country, and has even been contracted out to a private investigative team working with the now infamous Duggar Family. Bear will reportedly be tasked with sniffing out where Josh Duggar had been hiding the salami.
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