North Korea has announced that they will be shifting their clock settings backward 30 minutes, effectively creating their very own timezone. When asked whether this would have any relevant impact on the world at large, one expert remarked:
"Those people are crazy."
In the icy shadow of the premier Republican debate, lesser candidates of the right had assembled for the disgraceful "Happy Hour" JV deliberation put on by, of course, Fox News Channel. A runty cavalcade of political rejects performed their heart outs for a seemingly empty house, for many it was a sad thing to behold.
Attendees were reportedly limited to friends, family members, and official campaign staffers. Some expressed deep disappointment over such a meager turnout, while others, less tethered to reality, insisted the support was strong. Our own political correspondent, The Invisible Man, had this to say:
"Are you kidding me? That place was off-the-hook!"
A sinkhole in New York City caused a late-night disturbance for citizens at 64th and Fifth, many of whom panicked when the ground suddenly gave way to a 7-meter-wide chasm placed squarely in the middle of what is usually a busy downtown intersection. City engineers were immediately sent in to investigate the cause of the depression. From the bowels of New York City they reported seeing a river of pink slime and the basis for a devastatingly lackluster sequel.
This week in Burbank, California, an unidentified man jumped from the Magnolia Boulevard overpass, stunning drivers as they watched him plummet headfirst onto the concrete roadway below, dying instantly at the scene. Authorities say that the decedent's family members are beside themselves with grief, unable to cope with their sudden loss and left with burning questions about their loved one's mental state at the time of his death. Particularly, questions like "Why the hell would he go to Burbank?"
No comments:
Post a Comment