Today in Headlines - Wednesday, November 12, 2014

According to Wass Up magazine, revered actor/comedian Paul Reubens has announced that he will soon be reprising his legendary role as Pee Wee Herman in a full length motion picture scheduled to be released in late 2015.  Public interest in the character has apparently reached an all time high, largely due to the success of an energetic new stage show launched in 2011, the first three shows of which quickly sold out to hordes of young adults, many of whom still remember the glory days of Pee Wee's Playhouse.  Mr. Reubens was said to be thoroughly invigorated by his triumphant return to the stage, stating: 

"Theater has always been very exciting for me."

On Wednesday, President Obama informed the American public and the world at large that the United States and China have established what is being called a historic new accord aimed at maintaining stricter standards on carbon emissions while producing more efficient forms of renewable energy.  News of the deal comes hot on the heals of other recent political ground shakers, such as the impending executive action on immigration and the much lauded push toward net neutrality.  Some could not help but speculated that the recent announcements, which have generally received broad-based approval from the American public, are being timed for maximum political effect, coming so soon after the recent election season during which Republicans fared unusually well.  Mad TV recurring character Eugene Struthers, briefly commented on the President's maneuvering, stating, "He took it to a whole 'notha level."

A 19 year old security flaw in Microsoft Windows has apparently prompted swift action from technical services this week.  The troublesome glitch was reportedly causing many users to experience unwanted shutdowns and/or a total system failure.  Additionally, many computers were left without adequate firewall protections, leaving many with serious concerns about the security of their personal financial data.  Luckily, support staff created an effective new software patch to close the dangerous loophole through which the breach had occurred. Credited with the ingenious new update is Microsoft patch expert, One-Eyed Willie. 

Comedy Central host Daniel Tosh recently made waves after his masterful take-down of the ESPN production team responsible for creating a new feature for their primetime lineup called the "Awesome Video Segment." Tosh claims the set up is an obvious rip-off of his patent "Web Redemption" series, during which notoriously embarrassed individuals are allowed the supposed chance to redeem themselves through comical reenactments of their viral blunders. Mr. .0 was reportedly peeved over such a blatant act of plagiarism, wondering aloud what the state of cable television had come to when a man's uniquely honed comedy routine can be openly pirated for the cheap antics of a talentless up and comer, to which late 90's Talk Soup host John Henson sarcastically quipped:

"Oh, not so nice now that the shoe is on the other show, now is it?"

Internet services company Mozilla, Incorporated, is gleefully celebrating it's 10 year anniversary this week, marking an entire decade of poor plugin management and endless script debugging. Since the good-old-days of version 1.0, Firefox has consistently held it's place as the browser that is only slightly better than Internet Explorer.  The momentous occasion was initially intended to be commemorated earlier this month, but was postponed due to buffering.