Investigators in Mojave, California, are attempting to determine the cause of a deadly crash that took place last Friday, and tragically claimed the life of at least one pilot and two passengers. The incident occurred during a routine test flight of the new Virgin Galactic SpaceShipTwo. Everything was going as planned until the craft suddenly began veering sharply off coarse, a catastrophic loss of control ultimately sent the tortured vessel plummeting towards the earth. Analysts continue their efforts to account for what exactly went wrong, some pointing to pilot error as a possible factor. This theory was greatly substantiated when it was revealed that the navigator in question was none other than Saturday Night Live recurring character, Toonces the Driving Cat.
The Floridian city known as South Miami is reportedly moving toward a drastic secession plan, which proponents say will allow residents to freely address the growing problems poised by encroaching sea levels, which steadily continue to rise. City officials were dissatisfied by measures taken by the State, which they claim are unreasonable and stand contrary to modern science. In a related story, the mighty State of Texas is looking to secede from the United States of America over what it considers a rising tide of change brought on by modern science and reasonable thinking.
Reports out of Riverside, California, tell of a gruesome story in which one sinister resident fulfilled every parent's worst nightmare by placing dangerous pricking needles inside dozens of seemingly harmless chocolate candies. Authorities were stunned at the brazenness of the crime and how so many had been exposed so quickly. The incident prompted law enforcement to issue immediate warnings to the entire area, advising parents to carefully inspect treats before consumption. It was later learned by investigators that the heinous perpetrator of this ghoulish crime was none other than famous serial-killing stickler, Albert Fish, who was apparently caught red-handed shoving needles into his butter-nuts.
A self-styled historian and "necrologist" by the name of Anatoly Moskvin was arrested earlier this week after it was discovered that he had exhumed over 150 bodies, mostly those of females ranging from preteens to the late 60's. The twisted body snatcher would often dress the cadavers in festive attire and use them to stage bizarre, ritualistic birthday celebrations for himself, which he would then record with a home video camera. During one such celebration, things turned particularly ugly when the resurfaced corpse of Joan Rivers began heckling other party guests over their "ghastly" appearances, stating "Where did you dig up your fashion sense? A cemetery?"
Alan Eustace, the daring, young executive of Google, Inc., successfully fulfilled a life long dream after jumping from the literal edge of earth's sub-stratosphere, and effectively set a new world's record for skydiving. When asked about his first reactions to the harrowing experience, Eustace described being utterly shocked by all the massive tabs placed all over the planet's surface, but marveled at their helpfulness and intuitive formatting.
Police are on the hunt for a suspect who witnesses say was conducting an upskirt video shoot near the entrance of a local Phoenix Hobby Lobby department store. While there are few credible leads surfacing in the case, detectives were able to put together a composite sketch of the man they are looking for:
Salem Police hastily responded to a call about a disgruntled man having barricaded himself inside his downtown apartment. Upon entering the residence cops were stunned to find the whole place had been utterly demolished by explosives that were apparently set off from inside the domicile. Records obtained from the property manager show the listed tenant as a Wile E. Coyote, who was reportedly upset over years of failed ambitions and unaccomplished dreams.
Renowned actress Barbara Bowman has aggressively come out against former television star and funnyman Bill Cosby, openly accusing him of committing heinous acts of sexual violence against her while she was a young woman. The Coz, she says, systemically abused female co-stars for years, often covering up his crimes by issuing vile threats or promising career advancement in the entertainment industry. Ms. Bowman also claims that for years she was petrified by the memory of Cosby's clinking belt, stating "I knew something was wrong when he asked me if I wanted to lick his Jello puddin' pop."
Reports out of Riverside, California, tell of a gruesome story in which one sinister resident fulfilled every parent's worst nightmare by placing dangerous pricking needles inside dozens of seemingly harmless chocolate candies. Authorities were stunned at the brazenness of the crime and how so many had been exposed so quickly. The incident prompted law enforcement to issue immediate warnings to the entire area, advising parents to carefully inspect treats before consumption. It was later learned by investigators that the heinous perpetrator of this ghoulish crime was none other than famous serial-killing stickler, Albert Fish, who was apparently caught red-handed shoving needles into his butter-nuts.A self-styled historian and "necrologist" by the name of Anatoly Moskvin was arrested earlier this week after it was discovered that he had exhumed over 150 bodies, mostly those of females ranging from preteens to the late 60's. The twisted body snatcher would often dress the cadavers in festive attire and use them to stage bizarre, ritualistic birthday celebrations for himself, which he would then record with a home video camera. During one such celebration, things turned particularly ugly when the resurfaced corpse of Joan Rivers began heckling other party guests over their "ghastly" appearances, stating "Where did you dig up your fashion sense? A cemetery?"
Alan Eustace, the daring, young executive of Google, Inc., successfully fulfilled a life long dream after jumping from the literal edge of earth's sub-stratosphere, and effectively set a new world's record for skydiving. When asked about his first reactions to the harrowing experience, Eustace described being utterly shocked by all the massive tabs placed all over the planet's surface, but marveled at their helpfulness and intuitive formatting. Police are on the hunt for a suspect who witnesses say was conducting an upskirt video shoot near the entrance of a local Phoenix Hobby Lobby department store. While there are few credible leads surfacing in the case, detectives were able to put together a composite sketch of the man they are looking for:
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