Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis is in jail this evening after defying a federal judge who on Friday demanded that she comply with Federal and State laws by providing valid marriage certificates to same-sex couples. Kim's case has drawn national attention as the embattled clerk sought every conceivable avenue to shirk her civic duty to uphold the law. A small band of local gay marriage supports rallied outside the county jail, praising the judges decision to jail Davis, periodically chanting "Neener Neener Neener!"
Following a recent bankruptcy court settlement, lauded rapper/film star 50 Cent addressed mounting rumors of total financial ruin by showcasing his spacious new mansion which is said to be located in an undisclosed part of central Africa. Cent, who's real name is Curtis James Jackson III, cheerfully proclaimed "my crib in Africa is almost done!" Though, despite his cavalier attitude, court record's show that Jackson's once plentiful coffers may be close to running dry. Although seemingly elegant, the new African estate was said to have cost the rapper little more than a herd of goats and a shoe-box full of Shalamar CDs.
Mexican national Roberto Esquivel Cabrera may go down in history as the bearer of the largest penis in modern history. Weighing in at 2 lbs. 8 oz., the 19-inch member was first spotted in an obscure video posted by a then unknown user. After gaining substantial notoriety for his monstrous appendage, Cabrera received solicitations from American porn companies such as popular industry mainstay Vivid, Inc. Talks were reportedly stalled due to Mr. Cabrera's supposed outrageous demands, which agency reps claim:
"Far exceed reality."
"Far exceed reality."
A gold coast resident found herself in the hospital with broken bones and serious abrasions after a disgruntles Uber driver threw her out of a vehicle while traveling southbound on Rio Vista Boulevard in downtown Broadbeach. The still unidentified driver became agitated when his passenger, 24-year-old Sascha Pengallo, failed to give him accurate directions.
According to Ms. Pengallo, the driver angrily booted her out of the still moving vehicle, subsequently running over her leg, breaking it in two places. The driver, who was introduced only as "Paul," was described as being particularly short, emaciated, and wreaking of high-grade marijuana.
According to Ms. Pengallo, the driver angrily booted her out of the still moving vehicle, subsequently running over her leg, breaking it in two places. The driver, who was introduced only as "Paul," was described as being particularly short, emaciated, and wreaking of high-grade marijuana.
Internet truth-sayer Crooks and Liars has voiced caustic criticism of the supposed reform party conservatives who are presently standing at the forefront of Republican presidential hopefuls. Staff writer Stephanie Bedo addresses the apparent moral disparity found within the far-right's quasi-populist message, promoting the unconditional shedding of vestments from the "establishment" party apparatus, while conveniently declining to drive out the consistently anti-reform Plutocrats whom are collectively bankrolling their entire political movement. Party leader Pluto could not be reached for comment as he is a dog and does not talk.
As waves of migrants make their way through the Mediterranean, many on their way to Germany and Spain, small nation-states are struggling to handle the ever increasing traffic. Officials on the Greek isle of Lesbos have called out neighboring countries for closing their borders to the migrating hordes, effectively causing a standstill in migrant traffic. The migrants say they would like to move on from Lesbos, and will leave as soon as passage is ready. Apparently, they are tired of playing softball, listening to the Indigo Girls and watching Nurse Jackie while stroking their fur babies.
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