Ranchers in Morgan Hill, California, made a shocking discovery after shooting an intrusive wild boar roaming their property. Upon skinning the beast, an unidentified party, described by one Reddit user as "the in-laws," found that the animal's fat and muscle tissue exhibited an unnaturally bright hue of blue and red. Further analysis concluded that the beast was made almost entirely out of Now and Laters taffy. EPA officials are reportedly investigating prominent candy tycoon Willy Wonka for his possible involvement in what is being described as gross manipulation of the natural order.
Following the catastrophic data leak of what is essentially all Ashley Madison user information, reports have surfaced indicating that the website may have perpetrated an elaborate fraud upon it's predominantly male customer base. As it turns out, nearly 90% of Madison's supposed female user accounts are actually sophisticated AI "bots" which are programmed to engage in light, often flirtatious conversation with married men who are eagerly seeking willing adulteresses. Some male users began to sense that something was amiss when their steamy conversations took a peculiar turn:
After reaping untold millions from his record-setting Youtube following, video star Felix “Pewdiepie” Kjellberg has fulfilled a life-long dream by having two adorable puppies surgically attached to his upper torso. The dogs have been grafted into his blood stream and will reportedly live on a similar diet of microwave burritos and fun-dip.
Lauded independent film icon Quentin Tarantino has recently released his initial casting wishlist for several cornerstone productions such as Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Brown. Actors that made the would-be roster included:
While taking part in a recent PGA of America panel discussion, Republican presidential front runner Donald Trump shocked attendees by shamelessly defecating on himself during the initial Q&A. At first, many thought that Trump was simply thinking very hard, but unfortunately for those in attendance that was not the case.
A small cadre of middle eastern feminists held an impromptu counter-protest during a conservative Muslim speaking event in Pontoise last Saturday. The women stormed the stage bare-chested, chanting slogans such as "No One Subjugates Me" and "I Am My Own Prophet." The activists, known internationally as FEMEN, have drawn considerable ire from Islamic hardliners for their open challenge to the longstanding patriarchal archetypes that persist throughout the greater Muslim community. Ironically, the topless FEMEN activists have received substantial support from a Chicago area group of pro-masculinity advocates identified as No Ma'am.
Firefighters battling dueling fires across areas of Central California described the aftermath of the blazes as "total destruction...like an apocalyptic wasteland." Naturally, Hollywood film makers seized upon the widespread devastation, immediately pulling permits for the upcoming production of Borderlands: The Movie.
Gamers the world over are celebrating the 30th birthday of longtime video game mega-franchise, Super Mario Bros. Mario is said to have marked the occasion with a low key get-together comprising only of close personal friends of similar age. The group reportedly spent the evening playing Yahtzee and drinking Zima. After which they had a round-table discussion on the importance of life insurance and the benefits of eating more fiber.
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