Today in Headlines - Monday, February 9, 2015

World powers are calling upon the United States and Russia, as well as other regional powers, to bring about a lasting settlement to the current military conflict that is undeniably raging within the Ukraine.   The crisis, as it is now being called, had perhaps come to a high-point of clarity today when CNN headlines clearly, albeit mistakenly, labeled Ukrainian troops as "Pro-U.S." forces.  Inadvertent as it was, the specter of a U.S./Russia conflict has effectively raised the collective neck hairs of the greater international community.  In an effort to push progress forward, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has called an emergency peace summit set to commence on Wednesday in Belarus.  Some might remember Belarus as the staging ground of a bloodless coup back in 2010, which was immediately followed by years of election fraud and violent ideological warfare, even prompting UN officials to label Belarus as the last open dictatorship in Europe.  Follow-up summits will reportedly be held in the Bowels of Hell, Dimension X, and possibly the Rampart District.

NASA has revealed for the first time to the general public its veritable treasure trove of images depicting regions of the moon not naturally visible to the Earth.  Over five years of snapshots present fantastical views of the valleys and craters that make up the unfamiliar far side region.   

Home electronics manufacturer Samsung is warning it's many customers that a new model Smart TV possesses the unnatural ability to monitor all sound within a 15 ft. radius.  Samsung spokesman Alan Davies squeamishly advised consumers not to reveal any personal information in front of their television sets, lest their privacy become compromised by "third parties".  Naturally a wave of alarm has quickly swept the marketplace, with many consumers voicing legitimate concerns over possible governmental eavesdropping.  One owner became particularly suspicious after his television actually began openly addressing him, asking particularly odd questions such as:  "Do anything terroristee lately?"

15-year-old Ohio native Jamall Vaughn has pled guilty to the brutal slaying of a middle-aged couple who were found brutally bludgeoned to death in their home late last year.  The especially barbarous nature of the crime gained national notoriety after police identified the murder weapon as a standard 10 lb. sledgehammer.  Vaughn admits he acted willfully and has made no attempts to defer toward an insanity defense.  To the surprise of many, officials have also charged 80's pop mainstay Peter Gabriel as Vaughn's vicious accomplice, an accusation Gabriel vehemently denies.  However, prosecutors claim that Gabriel conveyed to the accused, under no uncertain terms, quote:  "I want to be your sledgehammer."

Boston Dynamics, a small robotics developer acquired by Google, Inc., in 2013, has released a two-minute online video showcasing their latest technological achievement.  Affectionately referred to as "Spot", the 160-pound quadruped robot can mimic most physical attributes of the average domesticated canine.  With remarkable speed and agility, Spot can traverse rugged terrain, navigate its way through a busy office, even react to physical abuse.  As seen in the video, Spot is sporadically kicked during the coarse of the demonstration, at one point nearly being knocked over, only to impressively regain its footing.  However, the ill treatment of Google's prize investment had prompted a single executive of the parent company, identified only as "Kerpal," to contact the developer in protest, charging, quote: "You kicked my dog!"