Despite serious divisions on policy toward Syria and Crimea, Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (or "Yippie" for short) seem to be closing in on a rather lucrative agreement that could change the way energy flows throughout the Middle East.
The two hardheaded demagogues were scheduled to attend an economic summit on important issues such as trade and energy. Russia is currently courting Turkey in hopes that it might serve as a central hub for it's gas distribution throughout the region, possibly circumventing the troublesome Ukraine territory. Unfortunately, Putin arrived on Monday when Turkey country had already been picked clean, apparently all that was left were the leftover nations of Yams and Stuffing.
The press secretary to Republican Stephen Fincher of Tennessee, has resigned following what many are calling a totally tasteless twitter attacked aimed at the first daughters over their lax holiday attire and unenthusiastic demeanor during a White House Thanksgiving Ceremony last Thursday. Staffer Elizabeth Lauten characterized the girls as devoid of class and implored them to, quote, "rise to the occasion." Lauten was immediately descended upon by both liberals and conservatives alike, even drawing ire from Jenna Bush who states that she is, quote, "fiercely protective" of the girls. Some have blamed the high stress of the holiday season for inciting such nastiness, even citing the anxiety of Black Friday shopping as a culprit. Which could make sense considering they were some pretty cheap shots.
Observing marine biologists are reportedly shocked and disturbed by what they say is a growing trend among salt water seals found throughout the British Isles. Apparently, the often playful seafaring mammals have developed the unnatural tendency of killing local porpoises for what appears to be recreation. No explanation has been presented as to why the normally friendly creatures would resort to such senseless brutality, leaving top researchers utterly baffled. On a related note, many have drawn a morbid sort of inspiration from the phenomenon, one of those being writer/producer Ryan Murphy, who, according to inside sources, will use the abnormal occurrence as the basis for a new installment of television's most popular fear-inducing series,
Recent reports out of Budapest indicate a growing chorus of dissent among common Hungarians towards the United States and what is more often perceived its overly intrusive brand of foreign policy. Some hard-line nationalists have accused the United States of meddling in the country's affairs by stoking a popular uprising against sitting Prime Minister Viktor Orban. Commenting on the recent bellyaching out of Hungary, U.S. Senator John McCain said:
"Well, maybe if they'd just eat something, then they might not complain so much."
Female naval officers may have been subject to a gross violation of privacy at the hands of a fellow service member who had reportedly placed video recording devices in shows used by personnel onboard a United States Navy submarine. The perpetrator has been identified as two dimensional sex fiend Glenn Quagmire.
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