The newly erected Thai Junta has set up a review panel in an effort to curb critical news coverage. The panel has already determined that the only acceptable forms of news coverage will be the insignificant, inconsequential, insubstantial, trivial, irrelevant, and trifling. Apparently the jury is still out on extraneous, petty and peripheral.
SCOTUS strikes down a law imposing a 35 foot buffer zone for those protesting at abortion clinics. One Justice was quoted as saying, "the Constitution clearly protects the right of every American to scream "god hates you" at other Americans not only in the parking lot but all the way to the front door."
Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki rejects the creation of a "salvation" government, instead opting for a government of "certain doom." He was quoted while shoving a Tiffany lamp and some bathrobes into his suitcase.
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton discusses a 2016 presidential bid, particularly the reasons not to run. Hey, I've got one, "you suck."
Google is set to remove unwanted search results in an effort to comply with Europe's new "right to be forgotten" rule. Those slated to be removed include: Hitler; Euro Disney; the third season of Absolutely Fabulous; Hugh Grant; Gérard Depardieu (just his face, the rest of his body can stay right where it is); and that horny skunk. No, not Pepe Le Pew, I am of course referring to Dominique Strauss Kahn.
In World Cup news, Uruguayan star forward Luis Suarez receives a four month long suspension after apparently biting Italian player Giorgio Chiellini. When asked for comment Suarez said, and I quote, "I hate to work on an empty stomach." When asked how it tasted, Suarez replied, "that's one spicy meat-a-ball!"
During his 4 month suspension Suarez is expected to focus on his much anticipated autobiography entitled, "My Life with Human Flesh in My Mouth."
Shortly after the incident Chiellini received a consolatory phone call from former boxer and cannibal victim, Evander Holyfield.
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